


Abstract Impressions

by tainted_ashes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Chapter 115 Spoilers, Character Death, Denial of Feelings, Explicit Language, Feels, Kissing, M/M, Major Character Injury, Memories, Regret, Rough Kissing, SNK Manga spoilers, Seriously the Angst, Suffering, Titan Shifters, Touching, so many feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-13 03:47:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18024089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tainted_ashes/pseuds/tainted_ashes
Summary: Levi reminds Eren what it means to be human.





	Abstract Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> This is NOT spoiler free. If you have not read the manga, please read at your own digression. We still are not 100% clear on whether the chapter is true to the nature of what's being said or not. With that in mind, I wanted to test this idea floating in my head.

* * *

  _What's the difference between a man and a monster?_  
_Is it somewhere between I can and I want to?_  
_Is it somewhere between the promises I made?_  
_And the fact I couldn't see something getting in the way?_

* * *

 

 

He's known pain before. He's felt it with each fallen comrade. He's touched it with every wound and broken bone. He's felt it with each splatter of titan blood against his skin as it burns and seeps. He's known pain through his suffering. But  _this..._ this is unlike anything he's ever felt before. One moment, he's was standing above the very monster who has brought so much destruction to their home and the Corps. Within seconds, he's screaming and bursting with pale light. He instinctively attempted to move away, but without any trees or structures around, he's unable to engage his gear. The blast that erupts from Zeke blinds him, and he's soaring through the air without wings.

 

The pain was beginning to pulse.

 

He surmised after the agonizing and ticking seconds that he's gazing up to the sky. The rain began to pour and obscure his vision, and he tried to sit up. With the startling realization that he couldn't move, he felt some panic start to tingle up his spine. It burned. His body ached. Levi groaned and went over a silent checklist. He tried to blinked, which meant his body was still somewhat functioning. As he did so, something painful was obscuring his vision. He tilted his head from side to side, and that didn't seem to cause more pain than usual. Levi inhaled deeply to test his lungs. He moved his arms and --

 

\-- his fingers.

 

To his left, Levi could see his arms perfectly intact. He moved them with some effort, but as he turned to observe the other limb, the only sight that greeted him was red. Crimson was pouring with rain and soaking into the ravine. Panic began to wilt at that moment. Levi attempted to sit up again, but his body was wasting from depleted energy. He growled miserably. No matter how many times he tried to make his eyes see something different, it didn't work.

 

Part of his right hand is missing, replaced with a wound that wouldn't stop bleeding.

 

He kicked his feet next, his boots sliding against the dirt and mud. Levi's right leg appeared to be present, but he couldn't feel whether his left was as well. The pain was enveloping him in it's embrace and Levi let out a choked growl of frustration. What the fuck was happening? How the fuck did Zeke manage to cause this? He shouldn't have been asking himself such a pointless question; it was already well known that Zeke was a resourceful and dangerous man. He was playing with him from the very beginning, and he should have slaughtered him when the chance presented itself.

 

Levi blamed himself for this.

 

It's eerily quiet, and it settles deep inside of Levi's bones that he was alone. There isn't a soul to be heard or seen, and the rain continues to soak and embed into his paling skin. Levi's clothes are clinging to his skin, and the sensation is uncomfortable, but not nearly as stinging as the burning where his hand used to be. He wanted to chuckle like a madman, thinking of Erwin just for a few moments. He thinks of how he'd make a crack at how they were almost the same.

 

His vision started to swim.

 

Fuck, if he didn't move soon, he was going to bleed out. Levi knew it. He felt it. Especially when images start appearing in his mind without his consent, this is what dying felt like, wasn't it? His eyes were stained and bloodshot, and his mouth tasted of copper and bitterness. He began to feel a pain bloom along the edge of his forehead and down toward his jaw. If he were able to move, he'd be able to accurately identify what sort of wounds were there.

 

He gritted his teeth and tried again. And again. And again. He laid there uselessly and tried to catch his breath. Levi felt like he was drowning but without water. He thought of Hange being left behind. He thought of all the young and misguided soldiers under his care. He thought of the many faces of those who had died and passed on. He thinks of the state of the entire Eldian population left in the wake of Zeke and Marley's madness.

 

And somehow, he thought of Eren. He had yet to speak with him since his incarceration, and Levi began to wonder if him kicking the shifter senseless was the very last memory he'd have of him. Stupid little shit. This was partially his fucking fault, to begin with. Levi couldn't bring himself to go along with the idea of killing him. Something ached at the thought. He was too passionate. Too pure. Too honest. Too sincere. Despite the hardships life had thrown at him, and the expectations to Corp had for him, he trekked on with a smile on his face and always trying to damndest to achieve any goal. 

 

It felt wrong to extinguish that fire. 

 

It was becoming hard to breathe then.

 

More images were flashing before Levi's eyes, and his chest was spasming. There's nothing more he can do. Nothing left he could say. His mouth parted to try to say something, anything but no words tumbled out. Instead, a choked sound escaped him. He could feel every cell inside of his body begin to cease one by one, and he knew for certain at that his last moments were approaching. He didn't fear death. He feared what would be left in ruin afterward. He knew his worth, just as he remembered the worth of every person he met in his time within the Scouting Legion.

 

As his world began to fade and his vision was blotting with black specks, Levi felt warm hands on him and whispered voices reach his ears before darkness swallowed him whole.

* * *

 

"Levi is dead."

 

The words didn't sink immediately, but both Mikasa and Armin are glancing at Eren with wide and disbelieving eyes.

 

Hange crosses their arms across their chest, the face set with fierce bitterness and rage. Their clothes are soaked and damp, covered in a thick layer of drying blood. Eren's eyes are roaming over the Commander with distrust. He pivoted his body and cocked his head to the side.

 

"You're lying."

 

Hange's teeth gritted together as one of Eren's followers attempted to reach for them, but Eren held up his hand.

 

"Leave."

 

The word came out as a drawn-out hiss, and the young man scampered out of the room. The only ones inside were Eren, Hange, Mikasa, and Armin. Mikasa was gazing at Eren in horror while Armin's eyes were darting between Hange and Eren. "That... can't be."

 

"You're lying," Eren stated again, and Hange's face contorted with impatience. They stalked across the room and grabbed Eren by the collar of his shirt, dragging him until their faces were only inches apart. Eren hardly flinched.

 

"Do you want to see his body? The body I had to drag through the river to bring back here before your  _followers_ left it to rot in the wilderness? Or perhaps they may have done better and cut him open to see what made him  _tick._ "

 

"Stop," Eren warned, but Hange ignored him.

 

"You need to see the destruction you left in your wake. You need to witness it, and maybe it'll wake you  _the fuck up._ "

 

Eren's empty gaze didn't waver from Hange's, and Commander called out, "Mikasa, Armin; help me drag him."

 

Eren began to push Hange away, but Mikasa was the first to move. She took Eren by his shoulders and moved him into place like a doll. "Mikasa, stop it."

 

Mikasa's eyes appeared sharper as she answered, "No."

 

Armin moved swiftly as well, and the three of them dragged Eren down the corridor leading downstairs within then building. Eren attempted to break free and even lift his hand in warning to bite, but Mikasa was fighting against him. The other Ackerman was acting for herself and breaking away from the chains Eren had around her. The thicker the four of them moved into the basement, the dimmer it became. Eren's heart was beginning to pound.

 

The smell was the first thing that greeted him. It was unlike anything Eren had ever smelt before, and it reminded him soon of the flesh that had been torn to pieces inside of Shiganshina. It was the smell of death. It was the smell of carnage. Eren's nostrils flared, and his stomach clenched unbearably. He tried to turn away, and for the first time in months, he felt a genuine fear begin to blossom to life inside of him. Mikasa shoved him forward, no longer acting mindlessly but with purpose. "Look at him," Eren heard Hange say, and Eren shook his head.

 

He couldn't do it. He couldn't bear to look. Armin's head was turned to the side, and he cupped his mouth with his hand, his eyes clenching with tears. Mikasa's expression wasn't void nor was it distraught as she was only days before... she looked incredibly and unfathomably sorrowful. 

 

Hange reached for grabbed his hair harshly, tugging his face to avert it toward the bed in the basement. "Look at him!"

 

Eren's eyes did as they were told, and when he did his heart shattered painfully. 

 

Before the shifter was the withering body of a man, a man that held so much strength, so much power, and so much potential. This man was the very heart of the Scouting Legion, and he was also the one who had kept Eren's life carefully tucked within his hands for almost five years. Eren's heart was cracking as Hange dragged him closer, and his consciousness was slowly beginning to lift and sharpening in true realization.

 

He hardly recognized Levi.

 

His body was still in uniform, damp and clinging to his skin. His cloak is removed and lying beside him, covering seeping wounds on his legs. There isn't an inch of him that isn't tainted with blood and caking mud. Eren's breathing is stuttering inside of his chest, and he slowly approaches in disbelief. As he moved closer, his lips quivered and he winced with a small sob. 

 

It was the most expressive he had been since his and Zeke's actions went into play. His face, dear God,  _his face --_ it was unrecognizable. A large, open cut was splitting right down from his forehead, his right eye, and to his jawline. There are shards of steel along the left side of his face, splintering on his cheek. His mouth is closed in a thin, slack frown and as Eren's eyes traveled, he took in his chest, his arms, his legs, and the fingers that were missing from his right hand. 

 

Eren turned, his eyes blazing with despair. "What happened to him?"

 

"This was all a part of you and Zeke's plan, wasn't it?" Hange asked, not even bothering to mask their grief. 

 

"A part of... No!" he suddenly shouted, causing the three others to flinch. "No! This isn't what I wanted! I would  _never_ intentionally hurt the Captain! Or any of you, for that matter!"

 

Armin took a step forward, his eyes dull. "That's exactly what you've been doing. Ever since you left against orders and traveled to Liberio, and I know you know that  _Eren._ "

 

The blond's voice is cold as liquid steel, and Eren's eyes widen in confusion. His mind is so muddled... muffled sounds and images flashing before his eyes. Eren's hands ascend into his hair, and the tie keeping it upheld comes undone as he  _tugs_ at the strands. His teeth are chattering, and his mouth is trembling. He tried to turn and face Levi again, and an awful churning feeling made him sick to his stomach. That wasn't Levi. It  _wasn't Levi._

 

"It's over," Hange whispered, taking a bold step forward. "With the little people we have left, we're going to incarcerate every single member who took part in this. We're going to bring peace back to our land and clean up this horrible mess. Zeke will be a special case, but we'll build our numbers and ensure you never have contact with him again. Once we regroup, we'll decide what happens to you."

 

Eren's heart was furiously pounding. He turned to Mikasa with pleading eyes but is met with her dark orbs flaring before she turned away. "Mikasa...?" His voice is so small as he said her name; he suddenly doesn't know himself anymore. He felt smaller and smaller, and the world was swallowing him whole. His heart  _ached._

 

Several footsteps sound behind Eren, and before he had the chance to turn away, Mikasa moved swiftly and struck the back of his neck. It only took a second for Eren to collapse onto the floor and heavy hands to reach and bind him in place.

* * *

 

"Eren is restrained for now. Mouth bound, arms and legs unmoveable. His cell is relatively small with limited mobility when he isn't tied down. He can't lift his hands to bite and transform. We've even gone as far as to make sure he can't bite his tongue."

 

Dot Pixis leaned forward, his chin resting in his clasped hands. "Are you sure you're willing to go through with this, Zoe?"

 

They were seated in the briefing room in HQ, going over the finer details of Hange's plans. Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, and a few other superior officers were also present. The faces of Eren's friends were haunted and riddled with guilt, yet they understood. Eren had overstepped by leaps and bounds, and with the memories that consumed him and the trigger of his brother still influencing him... It wasn't safe to let the power of the Founding Titan rest in his hands any longer.

 

Everyone's stomachs were in knots.

 

"I've put a lot of thought into this," Hange nodded. "It isn't my first choice. Zeke is capable of influencing Eren beyond reasoning... and he's escaped a second time. We can't afford to let the connection between the Yeager brothers remain. It's dangerous."

 

"The one who consumes Eren will undoubtedly inherit those same memories. Are you sure you want to pass that responsibility onto another?"

 

Hange frowned deeply, their fist clenching against the wooden table. "As much as I hate to do it... It needs to be done. Eren was close to raising a group of cultists and having them demolish our walls. With the Titans still roaming around, we all know that would have been death for us all. We have such a long way to go and so much to rebuild because of this. We're at war now. We need someone who can handle that pressure."

 

Pixis still didn't look convinced, but also knew there was no other way. Eren Yeager was and always has been a valuable asset to reclaiming their lands and overtaking the Titans once and for all. But, he had betrayed their trust and killed not only Zackly and several other vital members of counsel, but irreplaceable members of within their ranks. It may not have been done by his own hands, but he may as well have.

 

"You have a successor in mind?"

 

Jean's jaw clenched. "I will be accepting that responsibility, sir."

 

Everyone's eyes landed on Jean, quietly and in silent mourning. Mikasa reached over and grasped his hand, causing the male to blink in surprise. "You realize what that means, don't you?"

 

"I've given my life to the Scouting Legion since day one, even if I didn't realize it. I won't turn my back on everyone I care for or my home. Even if..." Licking his lips, Jean bowed his head. "Even if it means killing Eren, that bastard. Even if it means accepting his memories, I feel in my heart I'll be able to handle it."

 

"That isn't what I meant," Mikasa said sternly.  _You'll have a time limit on your life, Jean._

 

The words were left unspoken, and the two-toned haired man nodded firmly. "I know what you meant. Let me do this, Mikasa. Not just for us..."

 

_For Eren, too._

 

Mikasa's hand slipped away, and Armin alongside Connie were casting their eyes onto the tabletop. The room was filled with a terrible heaviness. Nile Dok was the next to speak, and his eyes were tired and weary.

 

"When will this happen?"

 

"A few months after construction is finished. He's secure, so I'm not worried about him trying to escape this time. I think he's finally gained a little bit of himself back. It's going to take time. We need to make sure we're ready to let him go."

 

"And his followers?" Nile continued to inquire, and Hange sighed.

 

"Seeing as though they've murdered in Eren's place, they're going to be held accountable for their actions. I'll leave that to you, Nile."

 

Nile stiffened in his seat, but he agreed nonetheless. "We'll transfer them by next week, then. That'll give you time to get Eren's affairs in order."

 

"Who's going to tell him?" Mikasa asked softly, her face contorted with pain.

 

Hange stood up from their seat, placing one hand below to balance themselves. "I have someone in mind for that."

* * *

 

How long had he been down here? Time was bleeding into something unrecognizable, meshing together like clogs. His hollow and tired eyes roamed over the decrepit walls of his cell, the cold stone greeting him with a shiver up his spine. His jaw ached from misuse, and his body was stiff from lack of movement. Once a day, for only a mere five minutes, he was given the freedom to move about under the supervision of several armed soldiers. Eren could see the apprehension burning behind their eyes, and for the first time since he was just a boy, he felt like a true monster. 

 

He tried to open his mouth to scream, and only a muffled noise was heard. Frustrated and bitterly angry at himself for allowing someone to influence and fool him so easily, Eren started bringing his own body and slamming it into the wall behind him. He grunted, silently reveling at the pain his actions were bestowing on him and he continued with it. He just wanted to feel something. Anything. All that was left for him was emptiness and despair. This wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want this at all. He wanted to help rid the world of their enemies and give the people of Paradis their freedom back.

 

What he'd nearly done almost cost the lives of his entire homeland. Eren felt as though he'd vomit if it weren't for the gag placed carefully in his mouth.

 

"Hey!" A voice shouted, causing Eren to stiffen. "Cut it the hell out! I don't have any issue going in there and cutting your damn limbs off again!"

 

Eren sagged quietly, halting his rageful movements and settling back on the cot. His eyes fell down and he studied the patterns of the sheets on his small bed. The soldier evidently wasn't done, because he took his sword and swung it wildly against the bars. Eren looked up sharply, instinctively wanting to bare his teeth. He fucking hated this man. He had been guarding him for  _weeks._ He along with four other brutes.

 

"Look at me when I'm speaking to you, you hellspawn!" one of them shouted.

 

_Hellspawn? I haven't heard that one since... well, Bertolt._

 

Thoughtfully, Eren wondered if this is how Reiner and Bertolt had felt when the world saw them as their enemy.

 

The clanging continued, and Eren's body was heating with violent intent. He tried to squander it down because he knew if he ripped through those chains, half of the brigade would be down there and ready to strike him down. It wasn't clear what he was being held for as long as he had or what the next course of action was... but Eren knew he was treading on  _very_ thin ice. As if there were any left. Breathing heavily through his nose, Eren closed his eyes while his hair fell in front of his face. 

 

The shouting and noise stopped abruptly, but Eren didn't look up just yet. Not until a silky, dark, and familiar voice echoed through his subconscious.

 

"I think you've all made your point."

 

Eren's entire world froze, and time stood still.

 

All of the soldiers at his guard stood in attention, saluting clumsily while offering half-assed  _sirs_ and  _we apologize, sir!_

 

"Get the fuck out of here before I drag your asses out myself. Don't think I'm incapable of doing so either, because I'll be happy to demonstrate otherwise."

 

Eren's heart was positively  _racing_ and his thoughts dispersed into a string of  _no's_ and  _this can't be how how how's ---_

 

The shifter dared to look up when he heard the sound of retreating footsteps, and the sight that greeted him made his breath catch in his throat. The name would have tumbled from his mouth, but it was softly whispered in the corridors of his mind.

 

_L... Levi?_

 

Before Eren stood a man that should have been dead. Who he had  _thought_ was dead. Hange's words replayed in his mind over and over again, the moment those words left Hange's lips and entered his subconscious. How his heart  _ached_ and his soul  _shattered into pieces._ How his eyes traced every inch of the once flawless, pale skin colored with drying crimson. Had he finally lost his mind? Was he hallucinating from the lack of sunlight or human contact? Did Hange...  _had Hange lied to him?_

 

Levi is limping, keeping himself steady with a solid black cane. It's one of the few times Eren hadn't seen him in his uniform, instead, his form is adorned with a fading gray shirt and black trousers. His skin held it's shimmering paleness, but it was marred with scars. The most pronounced was the large, dulling scar that Eren remembered when he had seen his body last. It crossed down his right eye and down toward his jawline. His eyes held the same cool fire, but once Eren's eyes really took in his features... 

 

There was a milky film over his wounded eye, and Eren felt tears threaten to spill.  _He's blind in his right eye,_ the shifter realized. As emerald orbs traveled downward, they took in his arms, legs, stomach, chest, every inch that he was able to see. His hand was wrapped in a thick cloth and Eren's heart stammered once he realized it was to cover the missing digits of his hand. The very hand Eren knew was Levi's most dominant hand. Eren wanted to thrash, to reach out, to  _fucking say something._ Was this a dream? Was he dead already? 

 

He didn't deserve to even  _look_ at this man. This was his  _fault._ Levi was moving suddenly when Eren's eyes clenched shut and fell to the floor, unlocking the cell door with ease and moving gingerly inside. His good hand tugged at the gag wrapped around the back of Eren's head and let it slide from the younger man's mouth. Eren's jaw ached, and saliva involuntarily trailed down the side of his mouth. "Disgusting," Levi hissed in a whisper, tossing the gag aside.

 

Eren ignored the comment, sputtering as he met Levi's eyes. "You're..." he tried, but failed. "I... I saw you," he whimpered unsteadily. "I saw you...  _dead._ "

 

"Did you now?" Levi asked, clearly humoring Eren. He leaned slowly against the cell wall. "I suppose that would make sense. I  _was_ close to dying."

 

"Hange... They said you were dead. I saw your body! H-How... Wait..." Eren's eyes widened for a moment. "They didn't... Inject..."

 

"No," Levi answered swiftly. "Hange knew better. In actuality, I wouldn't have been able to do a damn thing about it if they felt that was the best course of action. Hange's smarter then I gave them credit for, and if it weren't for their quick thinking, I wouldn't be here right now."

 

Eren's face is crossing with so many different features, Levi is reminded for the first time since the airship how utterly  _transparent_ he was. It reminded him of the boy who was eager to join the fight against the Titan's and not the man who was void of any feeling or meaning. It was the first time Levi had seen life in his eyes in months. His body was still recovering. It moved with agonizing tenderness and with his vision half of what it used to be, it was proving to be a difficult task to get around. It would take time to get back into the field again, but Levi wasn't going to lay down and wait for the world to fall to fucking pieces. He was capable of walking now. He could still endure some physical strain. He could work his way back to where he once was. 

 

He wasn't dead yet.

 

Levi noticed Eren struggling to move, and the older man sighed. How long had Eren been restrained? 

 

"If I unlock your chains, I want you to remember that I can still kill you. I don't need a blade to prove my point."

 

Using his more solid hand, Levi began unclicking the chains one by one. The fell onto the floor with heavy  _thunks_ and  _clinks._ Levi anticipated Eren would move, but he  _hadn't_ anticipated that the young shifter would reach out and brush his larger hand against the side of his face. They traced the fading scars on the left side, they graced over every visible wound left behind, and it was the first time Levi had seen Eren so clearly before. It was as if Eren's soul suddenly opened and flooded through him. His eyes were haunted. His face was hollow and sunken in. His body was losing its muscle mass from lack of movement. He was shaking and defeated. The very essence that made the fire ignite inside of Eren was gone and it was stripped by the burdens his family had bestowed upon him.

 

"Your... Your face... Your eye. My God, this is... these scars are my fault."

 

Eren felt Levi shove him back, and the shifter landed against the cot with a grunt. Levi gingerly rubbed his face and kept his glare leveled. Eren stood up slowly, ignoring Levi's piercing eyes. "How did you heal? I don't understand. No normal human could've survived those wounds."

 

"I think it's been established for some time that I'm not an average human being, just like you aren't either."

 

"That's because of my titan abilities. Then again..." Biting his lip, Eren chose his words carefully. "Your bloodline."

 

"Lucky me I suppose you want me to say. It doesn't matter now. Just because Hange didn't give me the serum doesn't mean the option hasn't left the table yet."

 

Eren looked up sharply at that, his nostrils flaring. "Excuse me?"

 

Crossing his arms on his chest and keeping his side against the wall for support, Levi continued, "Because of you and that fuckface brother of yours... We're left with two choices; invade Marley and go to war, or use our resources to protect our walls, continuing to eliminate the Titan's _while_ going to war. Zeke was rescued by one of his own, naturally. The idiots that felt the need to follow you around like a bunch of spineless cowards are serving life sentences. For almost two months, we've been cleaning up  _your fucking messes._ All the while, I've been tucked away in a hospital while doing my damnedest to recover so I could get my ass back out there and prepare because either way, we're in the middle of a battle that we can't turn out backs on."

 

Shame bubbled in Eren's stomach, and Levi kept a critical eye on him. "The bottom line is, thanks to you, we don't have the option to chose our path anymore. You went ahead and did that  _for us._ Do you even know what the hell you were starting? Did it make you feel bigger? More powerful in some way? I thought you and the Corps..." Rethinking his words, Levi added, "I thought you and I had better communication than that. Even if I would've kicked the shit out of you, I would have  _listened._ "

 

"That doesn't mean anything. You can't take the serum. You  _do_ realize that will cut your life by half at least?"

 

"What does it matter now? Our fates are pretty much sealed because of you and that bastard you call a brother. The least we can do is make sure the people trapped inside of these walls have a shot at some kind of future."

 

Eren flinched at those words, and Levi ran a tired hand through his hair. 

 

"You still have a choice," Eren whispered. "Don't do it. You'll... You'll never be yourself again afterward."

 

"I can figure that just by looking at you. I hardly recognize you now."

 

"Who would you consume?"

 

Levi cocked his head to the side, giving Eren a strange look. It only took the brunet a few seconds to let a soft  _oh_ escape from his mouth. 

 

"It would ensure his death once and for all. The two of you being able to communicate with one another is dangerous. By destroying Zeke, we'll destroy our greatest enemy. After that, we can focus on rebuilding."

 

"You'll inherit his memories," Eren reminded.

 

"I don't care. I'll worry about that when it comes. Stop trying to talk to me as if you have a chance to sway my choice. I'll make the choice that I'll regret the least, and if that means giving up a piece of my future, so be it. These people deserve a chance to live after the hell they've endured. Something good needs to come from this fucking disaster you've left behind."

 

Eren tried to control the tremor that shot up his spine. It was white, hot rage. "Why are you here?" he hissed out.

 

Levi didn't seem bothered by Eren's narrowed orbs, limping his way so he could sit on the uncomfortable cot. There was a time where Levi being this close to him was a welcomed gesture, but at that moment, Eren felt conflicted and wanted to scoot away. If he were to try and run right now, he knew Levi would strike him down. Whether Levi was physically held down by the scars of his mistake didn't matter; Levi was still and always would be stronger that he ever could be.

 

"I'm a messenger," Levi said quietly, his gaze lifting to look upon the torches lining the walls. The dungeon cells were illuminated with an orange glow, and it was casting off of his pale and marred features. "Hange figured it would be a good idea if you heard it from me..."

 

Eren frowned but didn't speak.

 

"They've decided on a successor," the older man continued, his eyes unmoving.

 

The words didn't sink in immediately, but once they did, Eren's entire body felt unmistakeably hollow. They did not face each other as Levi continued. "It was unanimously decided that you are too dangerous to be trusted with this power. Especially with Zeke still alive. Their plan is the have your abilities passed on, and for me to take Zeke's role and use it to our advantage. That will only leave a few other shifters to worry about..."

 

Eren's throat felt so tight; it was as though he had swallowed glass.

 

"Hange didn't need to convince me to tell you; I would have done it either way. You are and always will be my responsibility."

 

Eren's head bowed at those words, and his stomach was in knots. It wasn't until Eren felt Levi's disabled hand reach and brush something wet against his cheeks that he realized he was crying. Hot, thick tears were cascading down his face and dripping without fail from his turquoise eyes. His chest shakes as a sob threatens to escape. He wasn't crying because he feared death, but for the death and chaos he had left in his wake. He blamed his father. He blamed his brother. He blamed Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie. He blamed everyone but where the blame should have been all along...  _himself._

 

Swallowing heavily and taking in some air, Eren's voice was tight when he said, "I understand..." His lips trembled. "I understand why you've all given up on me. I won't hide from this. I have..." Exhaling shakily, Eren could not turn to face Levi. He tried to turn away. "I have no words for what I've done."

 

Levi reached beneath Eren's chin, surprisingly the younger man as he forces Eren to meet his eyes. Eren takes in every mark, every imperfection, and can't turn away this time. Levi's good eyes was holding his gaze critically while the other is blankly staring ahead. "I have never given up on you," he spoke clearly, hoping the words enter deeply into the corridors of Eren's mind. "This isn't the first time they've tried to discuss this, and I've fought against it every step of the way. Eren..." Briefly cocking his head, Levi continues, "I've done everything in my power to keep you safe, and to help you grow as a man and soldier. But, I can't fight against this decision. It's out of my hands now."

 

Eren closed his eyes, and Levi's thumb brushed against his jawline soothingly. It was the first time he had been touched in  _months._

 

"My affection for you can't hinder the progress of humanity, and I don't think you'd appreciate it either. We both know that. I'm... I'm sorry."

 

Eren shook his head, tears still falling and heart still aching, and reached up to cup Levi's hand into his own. Even with his missing digits, Levi's hand always felt familiar and warm. Levi didn't wretch his hand back nor did he fight Eren as he scooted closer. The two of them spoke through the silence of the night, and they marveled in each other's broken company.

* * *

Levi began to visit Eren regularly after that day.

 

The days were ticking by until Eren would be devoured by Jean, which in itself worried the young shifter. He did not want to see Jean bare that responsibility that he had for so many years. It felt wrong and unfair. But... Jean was also strong. He was a natural leader and he had come quite a way from the obnoxious, self-centered idiot he was when they both joined the ranks. He supposed if it had to be anyone... it would be Jean.

 

Connie was still grief-stricken by Sasha's death, and he didn't possess that strength that Jean did. Not to deny he was strong, but Eren understood the logic behind the high ups decision. Mikasa was out of the question, seeing as though Levi would be taking over Zeke's powers and there needed to be a sole survivor should the military continue to crumble. Mikasa was capable of that. Armin was already bearing Bertolt's memories and the power of the Colossal Titan. So their choices were slim.

 

All of it made Eren's stomach tight with guilt and worry. 

 

"Why do you keep coming down here? Shouldn't you be, I don't know, resting and preparing?"

 

Levi didn't bother to turn and face Eren as he set own several items. On the small table he had brought to Eren's cell, he placed a small container of tea and a few books. He's getting better with his hands as the weeks passed, and Hange had even gone out of their way to create prosthetic fingers in place of the ones Levi had lost. It was strange to see Levi in any other form than perfection, and every time he'd look at him Eren was riddled with so much anger at himself. 

 

Levi regarded Eren quietly after preparing two cups of tea, handing one to Eren while balancing his own with practice precision. It didn't surprise Eren that Levi mastered his old habits despite his injuries. He sat next to Eren on his cot as he always did, keeping a respectable distance between each other while sipping on his beverage.

 

"I know what it feels like to almost die alone," Levi murmured after a few moments, causing Eren's eyes to widen fractionally. Licking his lips of the tea and sugar, Levi added, "I didn't want you to experience that. I don't think anyone deserves that."

 

Eren felt shame swell inside, and his teeth clenched as the rage toward himself rose to unspeakable heights. Levi had been too kind to him. He didn't understand it at all. Before Eren realized what he was doing, the small teacup in his hand clattered against the stone floor and his arms reached for the warmth that radiated off of Levi's body. Levi stiffened like a board, his body frozen like the lakes during winter and his eyes wide with surprise. Eren nuzzles the other man and his body is shaking with a need for something he doesn't quite understand.

 

"Just... Let me, please."

 

Levi's eyes softened as the pleading in Eren's tone, and his body relaxes slightly.

 

"You're the only person that's ever made me feel anything. I don't know if you know that or not, but when I'm with you, I forget what kind of monster I really am. It's in the back of my mind and I can forget about it just for a short while. So please..." Eren pulled back shortly, his eyes wild and searching. He heard Levi shift, leaning so their foreheads were pressing against each other. First, Levi leaned and placed a chaste kiss against Eren's hair. The heat from his lips made Eren shiver somehow, and Levi's hands were tracing up his arms. Eren felt like his world was falling out from beneath him, especially when Levi's mouth was moving directly in front of his own. Levi felt like the only source of color in his gray existence, and he wanted to drown himself in its essence. 

 

Their lips touched, and it was one of the quietest and most gentle gestures  Eren's ever experienced before. Levi was like a storm in battle, thrashing and elegantly destroying everything in his path. When it was just the two of them, in the dark and secluded setting they were in now, Levi was like the soft rain that pattered down after the storm was over. Levi's lips were dry but so warm, and Eren realized at that moment he had never kissed another soul in his life. On the cheeks, sure. He's shared hugs with friends. But this... something about this was so profoundly heartbreaking and intimate. 

 

Eren massaged his lips in return, mimicking Levi's actions. The older man sighed quietly, and Eren felt a soul-shattering noise rising from within. Levi traced the side of his face, and Eren let his fingers slide and take in imperfection on Levi's cheeks and face. Soon, their hands were grasping, and their breaths were noisily leaving their noses as the words that were left unsaid were exchanged through the motions of their lips. Their bodies were conveying their anger and unspoken feelings, and it was as if they had both been swept up in a flood of unbridled emotion.

 

He was going to die soon, and Levi was the only one who showed Eren what it meant to be human once more.

* * *

He stood out in the open field, the plains of the meadow reflecting the rising sun. His body was thrumming with adrenaline and anxiety, knowing what was coming soon. He felt no comfort in any of his friends of comrades being close by... Hange was briefly speaking to Pixis while elaborating the plan that was to follow Eren's death. The more Eren thought the words, the less real they became. He felt like he was trapped in some sort of void far away from reality.

 

There were traps set up, but there was no need. Mikasa had offered to be the one to strike Eren down, but Levi respectively declined in her offer. Eren has and always will be his responsibility, he had once said to Eren. That included his death. Eren always knew in his heart Levi would be the one to take his life... and he was somehow alright with that. He was tired. He was weary. Exhaustion and confusion flooded through him. Tendrils of misunderstood memories and horrific images continued to haunt him daily and he wished for just one moment he could make them stop.

 

But in that field... at that moment... the anxiety and panic was leaving Eren and it was replaced with peace when Levi stood beside him. 

 

Jean would receive the serum shortly after Eren passed, and it allowed easy passage to the young shifter being consumed. So long as the spinal fluid was available... there was no doubt Jean would inherit both Eren's power and his memories with it. Eren silently wondered if his feelings would bleed through the links of his past. His friends and comrades were there... Mikasa, Armin, and Connie. A few other superior officers. It wasn't meant to be a grand event, but they were witnessing the fall of the first Titan to fight on their side. Eren felt the shame from earlier burn liquid fire in his gut.

 

Eren turned to Levi, both of them catching each other's gaze. Levi's shoulders were tense, his body screaming with unease. He reached out and wiggled the prosthetic fingers on his wounded hand. "My gear," he commanded softly. Hange hesitated, and Levi gave them a sharp look. "I'm not going to ask again, Hang. Hand it over."

 

Frowning deeply and their own eyes holding intensity, Hange walked over and began to process of helping Levi slip into his harnesses and strapping the right buckles while balancing the ODM gear itself. Levi hadn't worn it since the incident that almost took his life, and Eren's heart raced as he watched Levi slip back into himself once more. He was in proper uniform, the only thing different was the grooves healing on his pale features. It was as if Eren was looking at him for the first time once more.

 

"Eren..." Hange began to speak, and Eren's eyes cast to the floor. His hair was shorter than it used to be, Levi pushing and huffing until Eren allowed the older man to cut it. It was the first time in quite some time that Eren had cut it hair, and it did feel somewhat nice to be able to see again. Even if it was just for a short while. "I... You know now why I did what I had to do, right?"

 

"Yeah..." Eren answered thickly but cleared his throat. "Yes, sir. I understand what you did was completely necessary now."

 

Eren was referring to Hange's lie, not the fact that he was about to be consumed by one of his closest friends. 

 

"That isn't what I meant." Hange's voice was dripping with sadness. Eren had always held some sort of fondness for the Commander, even if they drove him up the wall with daily experiments and pushing him to his limits. "I wish it didn't have to come down to this, Eren. But... we just  _can't_ risk more than we already have."

 

_We can't put you above all else anymore._

 

The words weren't said, but they hung heavy in the air. Eren refused to cry; he had already done enough of that. Nodding his head, Eren replied, "I understand, Hange. I do."

 

Nodding, Hange took a step back. Eren didn't need to hear anymore, he knew what they were trying to say. He could see it in Hange's eyes that they didn't want to do this. The anger that was scorching in their gaze months before was gone. Now, it was replaced with nothing but sadness.

 

Levi bumped into his shoulder, causing Eren to look at him. The older man lifted his chin in indication toward his friends. "Go say your goodbyes. Take all the time you need; there isn't any rush."

 

Levi was stalling for time, and Eren knew it.

 

Eren also didn't know  _how_ to face his friends if he was even allowed the privilege to call them that.

 

Eren walked over to them slowly, and there was such a broad mix of emotions being reflected off of each of their gazes. Eren started with Mikasa first, because she deserved so much more than what Eren had given her. He reached out and gently brushed her hair from her face, and she closed her eyes with tears threatening to fall. 

 

"I'm so sorry," Eren said, his chest tight. "I am. You've been nothing but good to me, and you're going to be so much better off without me." 

 

Mikasa's head rose sharply at that. "That isn't--!"

 

Eren smiled, despite everything. "You've never needed me, Mikasa."

 

Mikasa was rooted, unable to move aside from the shaking of her shoulders. Eren turned to Armin, who was peering at him apprehensively. "Take care of her. I know the two of you will lead the Legion in the right direction once this is all over."

 

Connie's lips were in a thin line, but Eren noticed he was fidgeting. "An apology isn't going to make what I've done disappear, and it isn't going to bring Sasha back. I want you to know though that I accept all the responsibility for what happened to her. No amount of words will ever make it right, and I'm just..." Trailing off, Eren lifted his head and briefly patted Connie's head. He expected Connie to lash out and headbutt him  _or something --_ but the shorter male didn't do a thing. He closed his eyes and sniffled as Eren dropped his hand.

 

When the brunet stood in front of Jean, the other man wouldn't look at him. He was wiping furiously at his eyes and doing his damnedest to avoid Eren's eyes. These were his friends, Eren repeated in his mind, and he fucking betrayed each one of them. Jean didn't deserve to carry this burden. Connie didn't deserve to lose the one he loved. Mikasa didn't deserve to lose her only family, and Armin didn't justify the responsibility of cleaning up his mess. There was no going back and no erasing the lines he had drawn into the sand. 

 

Turning away, Eren saw Levi patiently waiting and always waiting. Always there. Levi. Levi.  _Levi._ Eren approached him and leaned close to his ear. "I'll make it quick," he assured him. Eren shuddered. "You can transform, and I'll strike right at the nape. It'll be instantaneous."

 

Lips curling in bitterness, Eren said, "I don't deserve a quick death. I deserve to feel every ounce of pain."

 

Levi grabbed him by his chin, tugging harshly. "Enough with your fucking self-pity. You've had weeks to drown in it."

 

They were far enough out where their words were not heard, and Eren sobbed as he clenched onto Levi. "I'm going to die, and the only memories you'll all have of me will be... they'll be --"

 

Levi abruptly tugged him down just enough where their lips briefly touched, and it was over all too quickly. Levi's eyes, despite some of his vision loss, were still as piercing as ever. The fierceness of them held Eren's in place while saying, "Stop. Don't do this now. It'll make this harder than it already is. Please, Eren. It's taking everything in me not to pick you up and fly away with you."

 

Eren's entire being was thrown into a state of disbelief, Levi's tone holding a sort of desperation he's never heard before. He wanted to take Levi into his arms and bury himself them for good. He wanted Levi to take him away too. Somewhere beyond all of this where peace existed. But, Eren knew in his heart that it was wrong, and Levi was fighting to not be selfish. Eren was as well. He needed to remember he wasn't the only one affected by this. Shaking his head, Eren pulled back and took a shaking breath.

 

"I'm sorry," Eren said sincerely. He reached and placed his hand on top of Levi's while it was grasping his blade. "I love you."

 

The words left on their own accord and Levi's eyes were wide within seconds. Eren let his lips brush against the shorter man's forehead once more before he pulled away and walked deeper into the open field. The sky above was collecting with dark clouds, and Eren felt that approaching storm surge in his heart. His face was set with determination, and his fists were clenched at his sides. He didn't look back as he lifted his hand and bit deeply into the skin of his thumb, crackling limelight devouring the world around him as his vision shifted into something profound.

 

His hearing was more prone to sound in his Titan form, and he could hear Levi's grapple hooks shooting from below before Eren felt them penetrate his skin. His human form was surrounded by masses of flesh and protecting barriers of skin, but that wouldn't stop what was to come. Eren's spine tingled with a warning, and his vision was suddenly bombarded with images of his life. His family. His friends. His comrades. Levi. So many pictures were moving too fast for him to comprehend. 

 

_Close your eyes, Eren._

 

It was Levi's voice. Eren didn't think he would feel the steel of Levi's blade, but as he did he closed his eyes. It was only for a brief moment. A mere moment that he felt death grace him before his world faded away.

* * *

**Wake up.**

 

**Come on; you can do it. Wake up, Eren.**

 

The longer Eren listened, the more distinct the voice became. 

 

It sounded so familiar and comforting... almost as if Levi was still speaking to him. 

* * *

He was falling. Flailing. Drowning.  _Suffocating._ His hands were reaching up to his throat, clawing desperately for air. He couldn't breathe. He  _couldn't breathe._ He was choking, thrashing around and trying to ground himself somehow. Through his bouts of moving to get away, resurface,  _anything --_ he felt the world fall away from him and he ended up landing on something hard and uncomfortable with a loud  _oomph._

 

Eren sat up swiftly, his breathing erratic and shallow. His hands were against his throat and they slowly traveled to his chest. As his digits skimmed and rested over his pounding heart, his eyes wandered and took in his surroundings.  _Fuck where was he?_ When the images of an old and decaying dungeon were still fresh on his mind, confusion began to cross his features when he noticed those walls were no longer surrounding him. Instead, he was gazing up and taking in the sights of an old room that seemed to be so distant from his memory now.

 

He was... in the barracks, back at HQ. 

 

Feeling uncertainty race through him, Eren jumped up from his place on the floor and ran around the room. He touched everything, his fingers tracing over objects and bedding alike. The barracks were exactly as he remembered them, bunks organized neatly and trunks stored away below. Some articles of training gear and pieces of wrinkled uniforms were strewn about. What the hell was going on? He would have laughed if his mind weren't so muddled in a state of hysteria. 

 

"Eren?" 

 

Eren turned sharply, a wild look in his eyes when he found the source of the soft voice calling his name.

 

"Mikasa...?" he asked, his voice soft and small. He was looking at her as if it were the very first time he had laid eye on her. She was dressed in uniform, naturally. But her appearance... It wasn't what he expected. She looked younger.  _Much_ younger. Her tawny outfit blended with her pale skin and her dark eyes were watching him with a touch of concern. "Is that...?"

 

"If you don't get to the showers soon, you're going to be late. The Captain won't deal with your tardiness, despite the fact he's let you get away with it before."

 

At the mention of  _Captain,_ Eren perked up a bit. "Levi...?"

 

"Look at you. Are you ill? Do you want to go to the infirmary?" As Mikasa asked this, she stepped forward and placed the back of her hand against Eren's forehead. "You don't feel warm... but you're acting strangely. After you shower, I'll help you into your --"

 

Mikasa let out a surprised noise when Eren suddenly threw himself at her, surrounding her smaller body in a tight embrace. He squeezed her and almost sobbed against the side of her neck. "Am I dreaming right now?"

 

"I... don't think so," Mikasa responded hesitantly, slowly raising her arms to wrap them around Eren. She wasn't sure how to respond to him, but he wasn't acting like himself at all. Eren was staring at her as if she were a wonder of the world or she'd disappear into thin air. Hugging him close, Mikasa asked, "Are you sure you're alright? You're scaring me a little."

 

Laughing softly, Eren shook his head. "I think I'm okay now," he said honestly. "I love you so much," he added after a short moment. Mikasa's eyes widen and she smiles softly. 

 

"The hell is going on here?"

 

Both Eren and Mikasa raise their heads, and as they do, Eren bursts into tears. Jean, Armin, Sasha, and Connie are exchanging quizzical glances at Eren's sudden outburst. Their features only increase with intensity as Eren moves around and begins hugging each of them one by one. Eren took an extra few moments taking in Sasha's bright and  _living_  features, and as Jean watched, he mumbled, "I like it better when you're in a pissy mood. What's with this lovey-dovey bullshit all of a sudden?"

 

Eren laughed. A pure, honest laugh that could have made anybody smile.  

 

He had never felt so elated before, and he just chuckled while telling Jean. "Everything... is okay now."

* * *

 

It had been a dream. Or a future reckoning, Eren wasn't sure. After a much-needed assurance that his friends were, indeed, alive, Eren ran to the washrooms as quickly as possible and lunged in front of the closest mirror. He took in every single feature, from his shorter and brighter hair to his eyes that held a youthful glow to them. 

 

He barely resembled the man that had haunted his dreams, and it made Eren realize he was still only seventeen years. His eyes were fiery and blazing with happiness and determination. His mind was clear. His heart was overwhelmed with a sense of peace he hadn't felt in quite some time. Despite whether it had been a dream or not, it left something hauntingly hollow inside of him.

 

He needed to tell someone about this. He couldn't keep it to himself, nor did he feel right hiding it. The Beast Titan was his brother, and Eren felt that in the pit of his soul. He knew there was more beyond the ocean that had found only a year prior, and now Eren held a very vivid image in his head. Whether it was real or fantasy, he needed to speak to Hange and Levi.

 

_Levi..._

 

Eren showered quickly, not bothering to care if he was late or not. All that ran through his mind was Levi and seeing the fragments of a man he had all but stripped of his essence by his foolish choices. Not this time. Not again. With those thoughts in mind, Eren dried off and dressed quickly. He passed by several of his class and comrades, waving excitedly and causing several people to glance at him with perplexed expressions. Stepping outside, Eren was greeted with the sun warm on his skin and the breeze caressing his hair and face. He couldn't stop smiling.

 

His eyes roamed, searching and finally seeing the one who made his heart thump painfully in his chest.

 

Levi was standing with one hand on his hip; his attention focused on Hange while briefly redirecting toward the group of cadets training out in the fields. Eren crossed the courtyard, his eyes never wavering from the man. He felt Mikasa and Armin's gaze on him and heard them call his name, but he didn't give a damn. Not when Levi was right there in front of him, so close that he could practically smell the scent of peppermint and soap.

 

The breeze suddenly became strong, and Eren realized he was running.

 

_Oh._

 

He was running like a madman, and his boots were hitting the ground loudly enough to cause Levi and Hange to turn around. Hange's eyes widened comically, and Levi's were just as confused when Eren launched himself forward, tackling the shorter man to the ground while hugging him close. Levi felt the wind get knocked out of him, momentarily stunned as Eren's hands are moving frantically and he's mumbling soft words under his breath. 

 

Levi gathered himself quickly, taking his knee and using it to push Eren away from him. The shifter scrambled away when he realized what he had done, but he didn't distance himself entirely from Levi just yet. Levi's face held an expression of distaste as he dusted the dirt from his uniform and cloak, his arms shooting out to push Eren away at arm's length. Several eyes are on them, observing with silent curiosity. 

 

Eren's eyes were dripping with tears, and Levi couldn't for the life of him figure out  _why._ While Eren was an open young man and easy to read, it wasn't in his nature to act this impulsively with  _him_ of all people. While they shared a mutual bond of trust and companionship, this was out of the scope for both of them. Levi was not only confused; he was concerned. Bewildered. He was wondering what the fuck Eren was doing. 

 

"The fuck is wrong with you? Is this your new way of greeting your commanding officers?" His tone was harsher than he meant it to be, but it didn't seem to throw Eren off one a bit. Eren was too busy taking in the perfect features of his Captain, the skin of his face unmarked and unblemished by the scars he may as well have inflicted. His eyes... they were so bright, and so purely steel. Eren found it hard  _not_ to cry with relief. Words begin to leave Eren again, and Levi sighs heavily through his nose.

 

"I don't understand a damn thing you're saying," he admitted, turning to Hange swiftly. "Can you take over? I'm going to step off for a bit and figure out why this little shit felt the need to tackle me in broad daylight."

 

"Right- _o._ Have fun!" Hange chirped, causing Levi to make a face. If he weren't busy steering Eren off the training field, he would have smacked them.

 

"Come on," Levi commanded, tugging Eren along and bringing him back into HQ. He directed the two of them to his quarters, the walk seemingly taking forever. All he heard was Eren sniffling and quieting talking to himself, and it made his concern blossom more. Once he reached his door, he unlocked it and ushered Eren inside. 

 

He closed it with a sound of finality, and he practically shoved Eren onto the bed. Eren looked a damn mess, face leaking and eyes puffy from his hot tears. Sighing, Levi reached into his jacket pocket and retrieved a handkerchief, handing it to Eren in silent invitation. 

 

"T-Thank you," Eren stammered, silently touched by Levi's kindness.

 

After several moments of silence, Levi finally ran out of patience. He sat down next to Eren. "Want to explain to me what the hell that was all about?"

 

Clearing his throat while steadying himself, Eren met Levi's gaze. "I'm just happy to see you."

 

Eren's aquamarine eyes are so open and expressive, Levi could hardly look at them. Eren is gazing at him as if it's the first time he's seen him, and Levi inwardly isn't sure he could handle that look. "We see each other every single day. For years now."

 

Eren shook his head, chuckling softly. "You wouldn't understand."

 

"Maybe Hange should have a look at you. No, Hange  _is_ going to have a look at you. Maybe we've been working you too hard, and it's finally getting to --"

 

Levi's voice abruptly cut off when Eren reached and took Levi's right hand into his own, his thumb lightly brushing against his fingers. His first instinct is to rip his hand away, but he forced himself not to. He watched in quiet dubiety as Eren's eyes are roaming over the flesh of his hand. "I'm just so happy you're alright."

 

Levi had never been so confused in his entire life, yet he still didn't pull away. There was something haunting this young man, horror left in the wake of Eren's eyes. The older man couldn't help but feel some sort of alarm and protectiveness surge through him. Taking a bold step, Levi squeezed Eren's hand in assurance. "You can be honest with me," he reminded Eren. The young shifter let out a long, quivering breath, seemingly afraid. "It's alright. Everything will be alright."

 

Eren's eyes close, and he held Levi's hand more tightly, neither of them letting go.

* * *

 

Eren told them everything. He confessed to Levi first, and Levi was quick to suggest gathering their trusted squad and filling them in. He was naturally afraid, but Levi didn't hold an ounce of judgment toward Eren, and that in itself was more than the young shifter could take. Levi was so openly gentle with him, and Eren didn't feel he deserved it. 

 

Hange, Levi, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, and Sasha attended the meeting. Historia joined as well, but it was difficult to get ahold of her these days. They listened to each broken memory, every single agonizing moment of Eren's lack of control, and just how quickly the death toll rose. He talked to them about Zeke, and he knew soon, his brother would be actively searching for him. Hange suggested that this ability to see into future moments may have been an ability of his, but Eren didn't think so. He had never seen the future before and honestly didn't want to glance forward again. 

 

It opened his eyes. 

 

His words were to be held as testimony if the need arose, but they agreed to keep this between their small group. Eren trusted each of them with his life, and if this could be useful somehow in the future, Eren wouldn't regret sharing his most haunting dreams. Just speaking the words made Eren feel sick, and the young man stood up from the large table at HQ and excused himself. Worried eyes followed him, but footsteps were sure enough behind him.

 

Eren knew it was Levi.

 

The cool, night air greeted Eren and he inhaled deeply. The soothing chill brought some clarity to his racing thoughts, and he kept his eyes closed as the sound of Levi's footsteps became more apparent. 

 

"That was brave what you did," Levi explained as he stood beside Eren. He cupped his hands together and rubbed them to keep warm. Eren felt a distinct desire to wrap his arms around Levi a second time, but he refrained. He wasn't sure how to approach Levi about the more...  _intimate_ details of his memories and dreams. Levi cocked his head to the side when Eren kept his eyes shut. "I can tell this has been eating you up inside. I really mean it when I say I'm proud of you for stepping forward. Whether it's a dream or a future warning, we can be prepared now."

 

"Prepared if I lose my fucking mind?" Eren asked, his voice barely a whisper.

 

Levi reached for him, and Eren's eyes snapped open. Levi tugged him close, his gunmetal orbs boring into Eren's. "I want to make something clear, I don't want you to worry about losing control anymore. Do you remember three years ago when you were placed under my supervision? I didn't know what to expect from you. You were so young and impulsive, and I couldn't stand the thought of someone extinguishing that fire inside of you. I made it a point to take you in. I wanted to be near you. To watch you. My job has and always will be to  _protect you,_ even if it's from  _yourself."_

 

Eren didn't think Levi realized how much those words echoed from his mind. His body shook with ferocious emotion. Levi let out a sharp huff and dragged Eren into his arms. 

 

"I want to know that if I ever become anything like the man who was in those dreams, I want you to kill me."

 

Levi's arms tightened around him. 

 

"I'm afraid of becoming a true monster and sabotaging what little hope we have left. Please Captain --"

 

Eren felt his face being lifted, and his eyes were bright and glowing as he felt something warm and almost familiar touch his lips. Eren made a pained noise, his hands reaching out and grasping the back of Levi's cloak. Levi brought Eren as close as he was able, kissing his lips into silence before the younger man said anything else he would regret. Levi couldn't bear to hear Eren's strong voice riddled with so much doubt and fear. It was as if those future dreams were stripping Eren of the very fabric of what made him- _him_ _._

 

Of what made Levi  _adore him._

 

As they parted, Levi reached and wiped Eren's tears away. Eren's eyes were full of awe and wonder, it was hard for Levi to turn away. "I won't let any of that happen. Now that we know the potential threat we're facing, and the connections and memories to your brother and father have surfaced, we...  _I will_ make sure you don't fall through the cracks again. If you feel uneasy, tell me. If you feel unsure, come to me. We need to work together to ensure this can be prevented. But I  _promise you_..." Leaning down, Levi whispered something in Eren's ear.

 

The moon reflected beautifully off of Levi's eyes, and Eren lips parted in a brilliant smile. Melding into each other under the stars in the courtyard, Levi's mouth sought Eren's once more.

 

_I won't let you fall. You're strong, Eren._

**Author's Note:**

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